The other day someone asked (I suspect after reading my blog) if I was happy. That is a tough question. I try to be content with my situation, I really do. But just for fun, lets break this down and look at it bit by bit...
Normal job: Wake up, shower, drink coffee, get dressed ,drive to work.
Me: Wake up and try to creep out of bed so the kids dont hear me so maybe I can make my coffee before they wake up, but Vivian wakes up and starts crying. That wakes up Flip so he bounds out of bed asking to play cars, wants me to make him toast and turn on some cartoons all at the same time. He will request all these things over and over again until all three are complete. Dogs whine to go out. Vivian is still crying. No coffee yet. Get the toast going, let the dogs out, start making lunches. Vivian is now clutching my legs and crying and Flip is asking where his toast is. Dogs go nuts and chase an old neighbor down so I run outside and get them back inside. Vivian is now screaming because I left her. Flip is really ready for his toast. Still no coffee. The toast is made and I am reminded of how I did not turn on the cartoons yet. Vivian has stopped crying and is now demanding her BITES. The dogs are whining to be fed. Cartoons on, Vivian fed, dogs fed and finally I can brew my coffee. I look up after my first sip and see school starts in 5 minutes! Turn off TV while Flip protests that the show is not over and now he is in a bad mood. He takes his time getting in the shower, but finally does. Change Vivian, let dogs back outside, put backpack in the car, get dogs back in, shut off water in shower since Flip refuses to, wrestle clothes on Flip. Race to the car, buckle Vivian in but not Flip because he KNOWS how to do it, then get back out and buckle Flip in because really he doesnt know how. Drive to school and make mental note to not get out or talk to anyone since I'm in my pjs and have not had a chance to brush my teeth.
And folks that is just my first hour of the day...It continues like that all day and into the evening. I try to clean and do laundry while being a mom. No one really listens so I find myself repeating the same instructions all day long. I dont get a break unless both kids are napping and Dexter gets home around 9pm because he coaches to make extra money. Its a tough existence at the moment so I blog to say the things I would never utter to my children. Sarcasm makes me smile.
While I do this without pay and no days off for the next 20 years I really do adore my children. They are healthy and sweet to each other and when they smile it melts my hardened heart. But unfortunately it re hardens repeatedly throughout my long day.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Budget
The budget we have in place is a necessity. A few years back Dexter discovered Dave Ramsey. And ever since we have strived to pay off school loans, credit cards and pay everything in cash. Although it has cramped my shopping style, it has been a marriage saver.
But its not without its difficulties. We decided (before Flip hit the terrible twos) that I should raise the kids - not some daycare. So we budget everything based off of Dexter's salary which sadly has not increased in relation to the size of the family or Flip's growth spirt rates.
So I tend to be very conscious of wasteful behaviors. For example, this Sunday (which is supposed to be my day to get just me ready NOT the kids, so naturally I get the kids ready) Flip was dispensing way too much toothpaste onto his brush. I immediately scolded him (rather loudly) so Dexter comes to his aide. He gets frustrated when I yell at the children, but someone has to keep a tight ship. That toothpaste is not overly expensive, but neither is the shampoo that he squirted out all over the shower, or the toast and yogurt he left half eaten that morning.
Its tough being the family asset manager - which is what Dexter tells folks instead of me being a stay at home mom. I now see my mother in a much better light. I just thought she was mean and cheap (we never had name brand stuff)...no, she just made sure we had money to pay for everything we needed. Good job Mom!
But its not without its difficulties. We decided (before Flip hit the terrible twos) that I should raise the kids - not some daycare. So we budget everything based off of Dexter's salary which sadly has not increased in relation to the size of the family or Flip's growth spirt rates.
So I tend to be very conscious of wasteful behaviors. For example, this Sunday (which is supposed to be my day to get just me ready NOT the kids, so naturally I get the kids ready) Flip was dispensing way too much toothpaste onto his brush. I immediately scolded him (rather loudly) so Dexter comes to his aide. He gets frustrated when I yell at the children, but someone has to keep a tight ship. That toothpaste is not overly expensive, but neither is the shampoo that he squirted out all over the shower, or the toast and yogurt he left half eaten that morning.
Its tough being the family asset manager - which is what Dexter tells folks instead of me being a stay at home mom. I now see my mother in a much better light. I just thought she was mean and cheap (we never had name brand stuff)...no, she just made sure we had money to pay for everything we needed. Good job Mom!
Good to know
Occasionally I have time to watch the news or listen to the radio. And recently, instead of turning it off in annoyance, I heard something that made me smile.
Did you know that coffee is good for you? So is wine and chocolate. Do you know what this means...it means that my vices (OK not all of them - specifically yelling at inanimate objects because they wont need therapy later) are doctor approved! I have always said that there is not much in life that a little wine and chocolate cannot cure.
And coffee is how I jump start my day and lately my afternoon as well. Its true, coffee was a monrning thing, but now I have come to depend on it in the afternoon because Flip has decided that he no longer needs naps. Thank goodness he goes to preschool so I can have a break in the stream of food and "play with me" requests.
Did you know that coffee is good for you? So is wine and chocolate. Do you know what this means...it means that my vices (OK not all of them - specifically yelling at inanimate objects because they wont need therapy later) are doctor approved! I have always said that there is not much in life that a little wine and chocolate cannot cure.
And coffee is how I jump start my day and lately my afternoon as well. Its true, coffee was a monrning thing, but now I have come to depend on it in the afternoon because Flip has decided that he no longer needs naps. Thank goodness he goes to preschool so I can have a break in the stream of food and "play with me" requests.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Law of Diminishing Returns
This famous economic law can be applied to motherhood as well . Simply insert your own words! This could be a great mom's drinking game!
If one factor increases while the rest remain constant then the overall returns will diminish after a certain point.
For example:
If the number of children born in your home increases while your husbands income remains constant then overall it will suck...sooner than later.
If the number of loads of laundry increase while the number of arms you have remains constant then you will be tired after the 3rd load.
If the amount of weight you gain increases while the number of size 6 clothes remains constant then you will be standing in your closet crying while trying to explain to your husband that nothing fits and to keep his slimy hands off of you.
If the number of hours running around yelling "NO" and "STOP THAT" increase while the hours your husband watches TV remains constant then HE will start to experience diminishing returns :)
Isn't this fun??!?!?! Try it!
If one factor increases while the rest remain constant then the overall returns will diminish after a certain point.
For example:
If the number of children born in your home increases while your husbands income remains constant then overall it will suck...sooner than later.
If the number of loads of laundry increase while the number of arms you have remains constant then you will be tired after the 3rd load.
If the amount of weight you gain increases while the number of size 6 clothes remains constant then you will be standing in your closet crying while trying to explain to your husband that nothing fits and to keep his slimy hands off of you.
If the number of hours running around yelling "NO" and "STOP THAT" increase while the hours your husband watches TV remains constant then HE will start to experience diminishing returns :)
Isn't this fun??!?!?! Try it!
Babies and Bitches
As a mom of two adorable kids, I really understand the need to be away from them for long periods of time. A few hours with friends has amazing restorative properties because usually those few hours include the consumption of my two favorite things - wine and chocolate.
No parenting magazine has the article about how parents need to forget their parents for an evening (the only way turn your mind off from parenting mode is to drink - that's why God made wine...Jesus' first miracle actually). That's something you discover on your own when you are crying in the bathroom because its the only place you can escape.
So skip the tears in the bathroom and call a friend. Or join a little group just for moms. That's what I did!
But it sucks. I traded my whining babies in for a bunch of bitching moms just like me. SHIT. I need everyone to listen to ME! Not vie for the groups' attention with their latest sob story. I clearly picked the wrong group. Every mom out there is going nuts no matter how crisply her oxford is ironed. We all go a little mad. Who wouldn't after saying "No dear, please stop" 478 times in one morning (except mine is like this "ARGH! FLIP, FRICKIN STOP!!!!!!!!!!"
I was tricked! Lured to the group by moms with cardigans and make up on. Don't fall for it. Its only a mask of the insanity that resides within. And if you cannot be with a group of moms and say how much you hate your current situation without scowls or ridicule then you should get up and leave. Find a friend who will drink with you, cry with you and just nod in the affirmative. Sometimes that's all you need...as long as the kids are not anywhere close by.
The need for a mom "time out" is imperative. Never forget that, but beware trading in that valuable baby-free time for a bunch of bitches...I mean bitching moms!
No parenting magazine has the article about how parents need to forget their parents for an evening (the only way turn your mind off from parenting mode is to drink - that's why God made wine...Jesus' first miracle actually). That's something you discover on your own when you are crying in the bathroom because its the only place you can escape.
So skip the tears in the bathroom and call a friend. Or join a little group just for moms. That's what I did!
But it sucks. I traded my whining babies in for a bunch of bitching moms just like me. SHIT. I need everyone to listen to ME! Not vie for the groups' attention with their latest sob story. I clearly picked the wrong group. Every mom out there is going nuts no matter how crisply her oxford is ironed. We all go a little mad. Who wouldn't after saying "No dear, please stop" 478 times in one morning (except mine is like this "ARGH! FLIP, FRICKIN STOP!!!!!!!!!!"
I was tricked! Lured to the group by moms with cardigans and make up on. Don't fall for it. Its only a mask of the insanity that resides within. And if you cannot be with a group of moms and say how much you hate your current situation without scowls or ridicule then you should get up and leave. Find a friend who will drink with you, cry with you and just nod in the affirmative. Sometimes that's all you need...as long as the kids are not anywhere close by.
The need for a mom "time out" is imperative. Never forget that, but beware trading in that valuable baby-free time for a bunch of bitches...I mean bitching moms!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Movie night
Dexter and I had a movie night. It was nice, the kids were asleep, we had our cheap bottle of wine open and poured and we settled in for one of our favorites "Return to Me." Its a sweet movie with a great Rat Pack soundtrack. There was a side story that I did overlook. One of the main characters friends is a mother of 5. Her life was chaos! Every scene depicted her being overrun by kids - whining, fighting, scolding. It was not a pretty picture. I noticed a scowl upon my face and then I look over to Dexter who is absolutely beaming.
Throughout the movie there are these scenes that make me want to cry not because of the sweet love story but because I feel like that mom. Never a moment to myself. There has never been a complete cure for self centeredness other than motherhood - not parenthood. Fathers, like the one in the movie, are oblivious or impervious to the noise, chaos and trama that children bring into the lives of their mothers. The father in this movie laughed, drank, left the house for work (so he had many children free hours) and came home and wanted to jump into bed.
This family probably wouldnt stand out in the movie to non parents, but it certainly had an impact on both Dexter and me. While I cringed at the horror of long days, laundry, cleaning, broken record repitition of rules, cooking, etc. Dexter smiled. He looks confused when he glances at me. I told him now was not a good time to start the "lets have more kids" conversation. My life is insanity already, I cannot imagine adding another kid to the mix.
Throughout the movie there are these scenes that make me want to cry not because of the sweet love story but because I feel like that mom. Never a moment to myself. There has never been a complete cure for self centeredness other than motherhood - not parenthood. Fathers, like the one in the movie, are oblivious or impervious to the noise, chaos and trama that children bring into the lives of their mothers. The father in this movie laughed, drank, left the house for work (so he had many children free hours) and came home and wanted to jump into bed.
This family probably wouldnt stand out in the movie to non parents, but it certainly had an impact on both Dexter and me. While I cringed at the horror of long days, laundry, cleaning, broken record repitition of rules, cooking, etc. Dexter smiled. He looks confused when he glances at me. I told him now was not a good time to start the "lets have more kids" conversation. My life is insanity already, I cannot imagine adding another kid to the mix.
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