Enter into Flip's world and you will find dragons and dinosaurs, cars, trucks and tractors, actions figures with swords and Barbies. He is all boy, believe me. He loves to play, in fact he cannot go for more than an hour at home without asking me to play. "Wanna play cars, momma?"
I just get so stinking bored of playing cars or dinosaurs that I added the Barbies - for Vivian. Okay okay I say I added them for Vivan because it just sounds weird that I added them for me. Vivian just tries to eat them she isn't quite at the Barbie stage.
So now that I'm being honest...play time is a lot more bearable. Its hard to imagine I am a car constantly racing and speeding - I'm a girl, I like pretty things. Now I get to play the "Ariel" Barbie. Flip assigned her to me because she has long red hair and I also have to play Vivian's character which is the super tan Barbie with long brown hair. Aunt Rere is the other brown haired Barbie that visits to give kisses and take pictures. And Dexter is often the the "Woody" doll from Toy Story.
We still have the cars that speed and need to get stopped by the policemen cars. We still have dinosaurs as pets and its just not playtime without a dragon attacking Ariel at least once. I'm not emasculating my son, I'm just finding ways to making "playing cars" a little more fun for me. Cause its all about ME!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Advice: Part 5
My sisters and friends without kids wonder why I am always late. This is a combination of my inability to manage my time, a procrastination gene I inherited from my moms side, and the fact I have two kids. Dexter always laughs when he sees my calendar. "Really Vicki, you are going to the gym and a meeting at 10:30 tomorrow?" Ooops. And I don't remember a week growing up when I was on time to school every single day. It really has made a lasting impression.
And the last reason I'm always late is my kids. They are so sweet and cute and hard to get ready in the mornings. I have to allow 2 hours to get the three of us out the door without a fit pitched by any of us (yes, me included).
And Mimi asks me why? Well Mimi, try this and see if it answers your question.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
3. Once step 2 is complete spill milk, coffee or whatever you normally have for breakfast on it (and yourself) and then start all over.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
And the last reason I'm always late is my kids. They are so sweet and cute and hard to get ready in the mornings. I have to allow 2 hours to get the three of us out the door without a fit pitched by any of us (yes, me included).
And Mimi asks me why? Well Mimi, try this and see if it answers your question.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
3. Once step 2 is complete spill milk, coffee or whatever you normally have for breakfast on it (and yourself) and then start all over.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Advice: Part 4
Oh Mimi, you are really in for a suprise. I love the Pottery Barn layout you call home but its time to sell your nice stuff and replace it with a sofa from Goodwill (or else be prepared for the Goodwill appearance it will soon take on).
Kids are messy. In order to clean them up, something else must become messy. It is a circle of dirt, drool, snot, and half eaten food. Here is what you can do to prepare:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Kids are messy. In order to clean them up, something else must become messy. It is a circle of dirt, drool, snot, and half eaten food. Here is what you can do to prepare:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
You are what you eat
I'm sure I have blogged about this before but I'm too lazy to look back and see for sure. You are what you eat. A famous saying I feel confident all my readers know.
Well today all I have had are 2 cups of coffee and 5 brownies. So I am alert bordering hyper and gooey sweet. Feel free to talk to me today as I am in a relatively good mood.
Well today all I have had are 2 cups of coffee and 5 brownies. So I am alert bordering hyper and gooey sweet. Feel free to talk to me today as I am in a relatively good mood.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Bored
Gosh, I'm bored! Dexter is gone again doing soccer stuff and I am here watching the kids way past the 11th hour. I would go somewhere but I'd have to bring the kids. I would watch some TV or read a book, but the kids are here. They are bored too because they are asking to go to their grandparents house, but I'm pretty sure my in-laws are screening calls from me. Its Friday night and they don't feel like babysitting.
I have never paid for babysitting for my kids because so far my mom or in-laws will gladly do it. But I think its time to bite the bullet and start interviewing some kids cuz momma needs a few hours break from hearing "momma momma momma momma...wah wah wah...momma momma momma...wah wah wah..."
Any takers?
I have never paid for babysitting for my kids because so far my mom or in-laws will gladly do it. But I think its time to bite the bullet and start interviewing some kids cuz momma needs a few hours break from hearing "momma momma momma momma...wah wah wah...momma momma momma...wah wah wah..."
Any takers?
Advice: Part 3
One of the frustrating things about non-parents (oh, but there are so many) is their ability to hand out all kinds of parenting advice - ahem, my sisters, ahem...
Now I'm not naming names here. I'm just trying to give Mimi, some great advice, from a parent to a future parent:
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Now I'm not naming names here. I'm just trying to give Mimi, some great advice, from a parent to a future parent:
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Advice: Part 2
This advice is intended to counter all the pictures of moms that don't have dark circles under their eyes. Just because your infant has grown to a toddler doesn't mean you get good sleep. For example, last night I went to bed around midnight. I was awake to one of Vivian's violent coughing fits - she is sick AGAIN. That was around 1 or 2, then I was awake again to find the lost pacifier. Around 4, Flip comes in because he has had a bad dream. Finally Dexter's alarm starts going off at 6 and it continues to do so till about 7.
So Mimi, sleep while you can because you won't get 8 consecutive hours of sleep till your youngest child is 10 and then there is still no guarantee. To practice for motherhood do the following:
1. For the mom that goes back to work: get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
For the mom that stays home: hold wet bag all day, no breaks for showering and you must learn to use the bathroom and hold the bag without dropping it. (All meals to be eaten cold using one hand)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
So Mimi, sleep while you can because you won't get 8 consecutive hours of sleep till your youngest child is 10 and then there is still no guarantee. To practice for motherhood do the following:
1. For the mom that goes back to work: get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
For the mom that stays home: hold wet bag all day, no breaks for showering and you must learn to use the bathroom and hold the bag without dropping it. (All meals to be eaten cold using one hand)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Advice: Part 1
I got some great news over Christmas. My little sister, Mimi, told me she is expecting! This is actually bittersweet for me because Mimi was the only other outlet I had for venting. She is a great listener. However, now that she is expecting I shouldn't scare the crap out of her.
I was given some practical advice for first time parents and knew I had to pass it along. What kind of sister would I be if I didn't prepare her for what parenthood is really like? So Mimi, listen up...
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
More to come!
I was given some practical advice for first time parents and knew I had to pass it along. What kind of sister would I be if I didn't prepare her for what parenthood is really like? So Mimi, listen up...
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
More to come!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Playoffs Update
The Falcons lost! The Falcons lost! They lost in the first round of the playoffs! No more hours of watching every football game ever recorded this season!
I couldn't even stop smiling when I told Dexter I was sorry.
I couldn't even stop smiling when I told Dexter I was sorry.
FRIENDS 4EVER
It is really hard to make a good friend once you are out of school. It is even harder once you have settled down to the burbs and started popping out kids. At this point in my life I am supposed to be engrossed in my house, husband and children. Since I'm not into that 24/7 I want friends.
The problem is my old friends still party because they are either single or childless. So that never works out. Another issue is I live so far away from what cool people consider acceptable nightlife or visitable venues. That coupled with the fact I still have to wake up multiples times at night and then very early each morning makes the whole party till dawn very unappealing to me.
So I have to find mom-friends. Mom-friends know what its like on this side of the stirrups so they don't ask you to meet them at 11pm for drinks downtown. They want to meet at Chick fil A, where there is an indoor playground and a glass wall to separate you and the screaming kids within. It works great for about 10 minutes and then they come out to bug you in 45 second intervals, but those first 10 minutes make it worth it.
Or the playground, but the geniuses that designed all the playgrounds near me were surely men. I say this because they are all near the road and are not enclosed - nightmare for moms with more than one kid. But that rant is for another blog and another day.
Unfortunately all the mom friends I have met are not as fabulous as me. This makes it difficult to hang around them. Remember, I not some hick who started popping out babies cause I got knocked up - oh, wait, I am. But in my defense I am quasi intelligent and I hope to find mom-friends who want to discuss deeper matters than the latest Tupperware party.
I was really excited when I met one mom who had the potential to be a mom-friend. She was cool, young and a redhead (that's a plus because we are different therefore it adds another layer of bonding). She has a personality! We chat about real stuff! Are kids play for more than ten minutes before nagging us! Our husbands meet and are getting along! Do you know how hard this is?!?!? I hit the freakin JACKPOT! Not only do I like her, but our husbands and kids play well together too!
All I gotta say is FRIENDS 4EVER!
The problem is my old friends still party because they are either single or childless. So that never works out. Another issue is I live so far away from what cool people consider acceptable nightlife or visitable venues. That coupled with the fact I still have to wake up multiples times at night and then very early each morning makes the whole party till dawn very unappealing to me.
So I have to find mom-friends. Mom-friends know what its like on this side of the stirrups so they don't ask you to meet them at 11pm for drinks downtown. They want to meet at Chick fil A, where there is an indoor playground and a glass wall to separate you and the screaming kids within. It works great for about 10 minutes and then they come out to bug you in 45 second intervals, but those first 10 minutes make it worth it.
Or the playground, but the geniuses that designed all the playgrounds near me were surely men. I say this because they are all near the road and are not enclosed - nightmare for moms with more than one kid. But that rant is for another blog and another day.
Unfortunately all the mom friends I have met are not as fabulous as me. This makes it difficult to hang around them. Remember, I not some hick who started popping out babies cause I got knocked up - oh, wait, I am. But in my defense I am quasi intelligent and I hope to find mom-friends who want to discuss deeper matters than the latest Tupperware party.
I was really excited when I met one mom who had the potential to be a mom-friend. She was cool, young and a redhead (that's a plus because we are different therefore it adds another layer of bonding). She has a personality! We chat about real stuff! Are kids play for more than ten minutes before nagging us! Our husbands meet and are getting along! Do you know how hard this is?!?!? I hit the freakin JACKPOT! Not only do I like her, but our husbands and kids play well together too!
All I gotta say is FRIENDS 4EVER!
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm fully aware that I am not rational
Knowing that I am not rational is not the first step to recovery, it is - I fear - a permanent state of mind for me. Those who know me well are aware that I have a tendency to hate inanimate objects. I think this stems from my inability to control actual living beings in my life. Since I cannot control my husband, my kids, my family and more often than not myself I direct that desire for control on inanimate objects. This involves, but is not limited to, baby and toddler shoes with laces, safety caps on bleach bottles, pens that are out of ink, my jeans that don't fit, and slices of cheese that do not separate easily.
Interestingly, I have noticed that in addition to this list I have started to hate situations. The three most prominent ones are the following (in no particular order): Dexter's second job, the fact that the Atlanta Falcons are in the playoffs, and extreme weather. To a normal (and balanced) person this things are no big deal.
Allow me to explain. You're probably thinking what woman wouldn't be grateful for the extra money that comes in from a second job? It just that Dexter's second job, coaching 2 soccer teams, means that he is never home. After work three nights a week he comes home just as I am putting the kiddos to bed. That means that I have really, really, really long days. Then he ends up coaching two games on Saturday (and sometimes on Sunday). The games are never close by because its a traveling league and the times are usually 9 am and 4pm. Apparently scheduling his games back to back is really difficult. So I am with my kids waaaaaaaay too much and I'm not sure they recognize their dad.
Next, the Falcons are in the playoffs. This wouldn't be so bad if Dexter didn't insist on watching every single game - at not just the games the Falcons are in, but EVERY single game in the playoffs. This wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that we never see him and when we do, he is inexplicably glued to the TV. Oh that reminds me, I hate the TV!!
Finally, I hate extreme weather. I don't live near the equator b/c its too hot. I don't live in Montana or Chicago because they have too much snow. I live in Atlanta where there is supposed to be 2 months of mild winter and the rest of the year is just right. This past week has been an exception to the rule. It snowed 6 inches and then froze over. The temperatures stayed below freezing and so the ice never melted. We were limited to our house or anywhere we could walk for 4 days since all the roads were impassable. 1700 sq ft is really small when you are stuck in it for so long.
Whats so funny and irrational is that the last thing I described allowed the kids and me to spend quality time with Dexter. I should have relished that time. Unfortunately I just don't think that way. Cabin fever + too many playoff games recorded + inappropriate clothes for playing the snow = not fun.
Sigh...
Interestingly, I have noticed that in addition to this list I have started to hate situations. The three most prominent ones are the following (in no particular order): Dexter's second job, the fact that the Atlanta Falcons are in the playoffs, and extreme weather. To a normal (and balanced) person this things are no big deal.
Allow me to explain. You're probably thinking what woman wouldn't be grateful for the extra money that comes in from a second job? It just that Dexter's second job, coaching 2 soccer teams, means that he is never home. After work three nights a week he comes home just as I am putting the kiddos to bed. That means that I have really, really, really long days. Then he ends up coaching two games on Saturday (and sometimes on Sunday). The games are never close by because its a traveling league and the times are usually 9 am and 4pm. Apparently scheduling his games back to back is really difficult. So I am with my kids waaaaaaaay too much and I'm not sure they recognize their dad.
Next, the Falcons are in the playoffs. This wouldn't be so bad if Dexter didn't insist on watching every single game - at not just the games the Falcons are in, but EVERY single game in the playoffs. This wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that we never see him and when we do, he is inexplicably glued to the TV. Oh that reminds me, I hate the TV!!
Finally, I hate extreme weather. I don't live near the equator b/c its too hot. I don't live in Montana or Chicago because they have too much snow. I live in Atlanta where there is supposed to be 2 months of mild winter and the rest of the year is just right. This past week has been an exception to the rule. It snowed 6 inches and then froze over. The temperatures stayed below freezing and so the ice never melted. We were limited to our house or anywhere we could walk for 4 days since all the roads were impassable. 1700 sq ft is really small when you are stuck in it for so long.
Whats so funny and irrational is that the last thing I described allowed the kids and me to spend quality time with Dexter. I should have relished that time. Unfortunately I just don't think that way. Cabin fever + too many playoff games recorded + inappropriate clothes for playing the snow = not fun.
Sigh...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)