Working Out

You get biceps like this gal from holding your baby all day long. In fact, I look just like her, except you need to add some spit up on the right shoulder. Can you picture it now? OK.

I do hold Vivian almost all day...in fact she is snoozing in my lap as I blog. I enjoy most days because I'm a snuggly kinda person (I know thats hard to imagine if you only know my blog and somewhat foul language). Its true, I hold my babies while I can. This however is hard for men to accomplish successfully for long periods of time (i.e. more than 2 minutes). It always amazes me that men are in charge of so much. They make more money, get much more respect from car salesmen, rule most countries...the list goes on. But it takes a little baby to incapacitate them. They cant stomach the poo, the crying, the puking, the midnight feedings, and other tough things like holding them. Its all too much for the stronger sex.

My father comes to visit Vivian and he gags when Vivian poos. And he can hardly keep her wiggly-self in his lap while he watches TV. Grandkid #2 is here, and the whole interaction thing is lost to him still.

Dexter grabs her up in his arms as soon as he gets home but gives her back almost immediately because of the serious case of instantaneous bowel movements. He also cant seem to figure out how to hold her without getting baby-elbow.

Both of these men went to Georgia Tech and are very very intelligent, but leave it up to Vivian to make them seem a little less than manly men who cant take poopy diapers and extra long baby holding sessions. I hold this kid all day all while I do laundry, wash dishes, type emails, facebook, make calls, cook dinner and play cars--ONE HANDED. So since I am superior to men in this aspect I wanted to brag about my awesomeness.

I almost made it through a post without some positiveness--sorry to disappoint all you glass-half-empty moms out there. It happens every now and then--but trust me it only lasts till the kids wake from their naps :)

Squishy

Squishy is a funny little word, especially when it comes from the mouth of your three year old when he describes his family jewels. Motherhood is truly entertaining.

Flip got out of the shower and after toweling off he runs around "free" while I chase him and call him Naked Baby--to his giggled delight (I cannot wait to torture him later in life by threatening to tell this to a girlfriend).

And as always when young boys are "free" those little hands gotta grab something. For those of you who dont know, the family jewels are a built in toy for boys. I never knew this--which is how I got pregnant in the first place. No, not really, but I grew up with three sisters and so I never knew that boys found their body so fascinating at such a young age; and of course we all know that the fascination continues into adulthood (honestly, I thought that all started with puberty).

Back to the story...So Flip, aka Naked Baby, is running around and he stops next to me, spreads his legs like he is doing a jumping-jack and grabs himself. "Mom, why is this so squishy?" I was trying so hard not to bust out laughing, but I did manage to get out that he needed to ask his father. I always try to include Dexter in child rearing--its only fair.

So at the age of three the awkward questions begin.

Mute Button

All I want for Christmas is a mute button for Flip. He always picks the worst time to say things. A great example was a church tonight...

There was a Christmas performance this evening at church and the kids, including Flip, had 2 songs to sing. It was very cute. Afterwards the kids ran to find their parents and sat with us for the adult choir. Flip was getting antsy so I made him come with me to the ladies room.

I had to go, you know #2, and so I made Flip come in the stall because I still cant leave him unsupervised for that long. As I was going we discussed different things like what the handicap bars were for, why you cannot look under the partition into the other stall--you know, bathroom conversation.

We were alone so I was not self conscious about going #2 at all until I heard the door open. Someone else has to go too. Thats when the bathroom conversation went South (sorry couldnt help that). All the sudden Flip wants to talk poop. Really really really loudly Flip says, "Momma, why are you poopin?" "Momma why are you taking so long?" "Momma, I dont like it when you poop."

I know everyone poops, but I dont need that broadcasted to the entire ladies room. I wish at that moment that toddlers had a mute button.

sleep

Coffee is the only way I survive. Im told its not good for nursing moms to drink, but I think passing along a little caffeine is better than me screaming at everyone.

Flip sleeps in his own bed...till about 4 in the morning, then he heads to my bed. Its a king, but 2 adults, a baby and toddler really take away that spacious effect. I co-sleep and I dont care if you think thats weird or bad. It works for me. I sleep more that way, and trust me, a well rested Vicki is a nice Vicki.

I hear that I have to wait a decade from when the last kid is born till I can actually make it through the night uninterrupted, but by then I will probably have incontinence or something old ladies get. SHIT.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter is on and we are at the part where he gets his dad's invisibility cloak. Is it wrong that Im jealous of the cloak?

I cant believe I never told you!!!

Vivian is 4 months old and I never told you about the day she entered the world. Well, here it goes:

Water breaks
Ow
Labor
Ow ow ow
epidural
Ow ow ow ow
Why is the epidural not working?!?!?!?
Ow ow ow ow ow
Push
Ow ow ow ow ow ow - I hate you Dexter!
enter Vivian!

Ow.

Yes, Vivian came very fast. My epidural never fully kicked in, so, Yes, I felt it. And yes, it still hurts--but not nearly as bad as when Vivian came out.

half way there

A few hours after Vivian entered the world, Dexter leans over to say what I thought would be like "You are the awesomest woman ever" or "I love you, you did great." NO, he leans over and says "we are half way there."

Before I had actually gone through pregnancy and childbirth I had agreed with Dexter that 4 kids sounded just dandy. Just think of all the cute little outfits, the snuggles, artwork sent home from school, soccer games and baking cookies and Christmas--boy that would be fun.

So um, yeah, that whole pregnancy thing SUCKS and the labor thing really is a punishment from God. No person could think that up--here is a 9 lbs person with a big head...lets make it come out of that hole...well, you know how it all works. And then the kid comes home with you.

And so after going through labor times 2, the last thing a gal wants to hear is that her husband is fully expecting her to go through that 2 MORE times. Im pretty sure that I gave Dexter the same exact look I gave him while I was having a bad contraction.

Isnt there a class or something for guys on what to say and when? If you know of one, please contact me.