The Full School Folder

When Flip started his little Mother's Morning Out program he would do some cute little crafts and coloring pages.  I would see his art skills on display in the school hallway or once a month when it was sent home to me.  This was a good arrangement for me. 

Then his second year he had different teachers who thought I would be delighted to have more partially colored paper lying around my house (if you are one of those people that every time you visit home you pull out your artwork folder that your mom kept for you and weep over your talent then stop reading because I am going to share some horrible truths).  I mean, seriously, do the teachers really think that I will do anything but toss the legal size construction paper with the cotton balls glued on it?  School hallways are notoriously dull, that artwork should stay there!

Of course when Flip explains to me that this scribble in red is a fire truck and this one is a shark I pay close attention and tell him how proud I am of him.  But when he is off in his room or glued to the TV I toss it in the trash (or I will mail it to one of my sisters because I feel guilty about throwing it all away).  It works out most of the time - except when he sees it crumpled in the trash and is reduced to tears.  I will then immediately blame it on Dexter.

This year is the start of Preschool for him.  And to my utter delight (HA) I get a folder filled with paper and practice work EVERY SINGLE DAY!  So this first month of school he brought home 21 papers with letter tracing...sure I get to see his progress, but that doesn't mean I will keep it.  I am much better about how I discard it now though. 

I do keep some things (but never any kit from Oriental Trading).  So far I have one picture that I intend to get framed.  It is truly a work of art.  It was Flip's first stick figure drawing.  The picture is titled "My Baby Sister." Is that not the sweetest, cutest, most adorable thing you have ever seen!?!?!?  This is not going in a folder of things I will save for my kids to look back on, this is going on the wall!

The garage door...

Its twilight in the burbs.  The kids are up from their naps (which means they have way too much energy) and the dogs are antsy because they ready to be fed.  I'm trying to cook something for dinner and then out of all the noises I hear all day long, I finally hear what I now consider the best sound in the world: the garage door opening.

Flip runs to the back door, the dogs go nuts and run around barking, and Vivian squeals like only a little girl can while she dances or jumps.  Everyone crowds around the back door.  DADDY'S HOME!!!

I had a friend who asked if I squealed and danced too.  "No," I said.  "I sigh with relief and head for the wine rack."

Kids & Dogs

As you may know I have two large dogs.  Like my kids, I love them, but find I have less patience for them than is really required.  I have found some other similarities between my 4 children and as I laugh, in the back of my mind I am worried that this may be a trend.

First, the dogs use the facilities outdoors.  While I was potty training Flip I would point this out to show him how easy it is and that most folks relieve themselves in places other than their pants - even dogs.  So naturally, he wants to pee outside (and occasionally poo as I have been informed by the neighbors).  It was cute a first but not so much now.  We spend a lot of time outside and Flip still asks if he can "Go pee in a bush."

Second, after a long walk I will turn the hose on and let the dogs drink from it.  For some reason this is way more fun than drinking from their water dish (see I'm not all mean and spite, I let the people and animals I care for have things that they like).  Well on a particularly hot day after our morning walk, I turned the hose on and let the dogs have their fill.  As I walk to shut it off I see Vivian out of the corner of my eye.  She has picked up and the hose and is drinking from it.  She must have been thirsty since this went on for a few minutes.

Third, I have noticed that Vivian now will have her quiet time (for you non-parents this is the time that children have run out of energy and sit or lay down quietly; it is rare and a child should never be roused from this state prematurely) on the dogs' bed.  She will often go there and the dogs will stand there and look from me to her.  I imagine them asking - if they could - if I would move the small child from their bed. 

These three instances are not very alarming, but if you stop and see the trend you might shudder to think what they will pick up on next.  Like will they start to lick?  Or growl (oh, well there is #4, Vivian growls all the time)?  The dogs are looking to be more like older siblings that teach the younger bad habits, but instead of cuss words the kids are learning how to do things that don't require opposable thumbs.

Baby Fever

I was at a little get-together for the holiday weekend and a young woman watched Vivian play (in a non-baby proofed house EEEK).  While she sat there, smiling at Vivian she made the comment that she had baby fever.  As any normal mother of a one year old, I told her exactly what she was missing.

I asked her if she enjoyed sitting down...for more than two minutes at a time.  She did not answer, but merely looked confused.  Then I asked if she likes to sleep in late at least one a day a week or sleep through the night ever.  A scowl appears on her face.  Then I asked if she likes to read, think, dress, shower, drive, go out, speak or any other common activity without being interrupted, climbed on or listening to incessant crying.  The scowl lifts and is replaced with a mixture of realization and fear.

Poor girl, I burst her little motherhood bubble.  Its not all naps and cute outfits.  Its a lot of hard work.  I wasn't being mean, just honest.  We all want a accurate job description before we sign up for work!

New logo Onsie ideas

Instead of "Daddy loves me"
 try "Daddy is really not watching me" or "Daddy is watching the game"

Instead of "Cute" Precious" or "Adorable"
 try "Whiny" "Stinky" or "Bank account drainer"

Instead of an image of a bottle with "Happy Hour" underneath
 try "My mom needs a Happy Hour"