Holiday = Holidull

Why do I do this?  Why do I always agree to do these group family fun gatherings?  Its a holiday weekend and one would imagine that having an extra day at home with the hubby would be delightful you know an extra hand to fold laundry or someone to play with the kids so you could have a quiet moment to think...well, its not.  Its more mess, more noise and strangely more work.  Allow me to elaborate:

More mess because I have to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner instead of one meal.  Also my kids are usually strapped into a plastic chair that can be hosed off, but Dexter has free reign of the house, so the mess just follows him.  Its like that kid from the Charlie Brown cartoon that is surrounded by a constant cloud of dust. 

More noise because the TV is on, loud music is playing, the dogs are all worked up and barking, its "Vicki, have you seen this?"  "Vicki, where is the remote?!?!"  And other time sensitive questions about missing shoes and cell phones.  I am not everyones' keeper! 

More work because Dexter wants to nap, play a game or watch a show or just about anything as long as he doesn't have to actually look after the kids.  So the kids are still with me, but they whine so much more because they know their daddy is just in the other room!  Its tough.  I think I prefer the weekdays.  Yup, I sure do.

But that's just the normal weekend.  A three day weekend is all that plus FFF.

Dexter says: Lets go to the in-laws  - FANTASTIC - and have a barbecue - JOY, I GET TO COOK - with all the neighbors - I GET TO COOK FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE - its at five pm - OH, YOU MEAN THE KIDS NAP TIME - and I will play basketball or table tennis all night - FANTASTIC, I GET TO COOK FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE AND ENTERTAIN CRANKY KIDS WHILE YOU PRETEND PLAY WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD BUDDIES, ALL IN A NON-BABY PROOFED HOUSE THAT HAS A POORLY FUNCTIONING A/C UNIT.  

I really had a nice holiday weekend.  I hope you did too.

Mothers Day

This year for Mothers Day Im going to ask for something that I really want - something that every mother really wants.

No, its not a fancy dinner, more fruity smelling lotion, a flower in a hand painted pot, and its certainly not  an entire afternoon with my mother in law.  Its not a card, but if its something sparkly set in gold I will say yes.

This Mothers Day I  want Dexter to take the kids (after cleaning the kitchen) and not come back till dinner (which he will make and clean up after).  There I said it.  I want to celebrate motherhood by not mothering.

You know you desperately want that too, you just dont have the guts to ask.

It goes by fast

Have you ever heard a middle aged or older woman say this?  If not, it goes something like this: Cherish these moments because they go by fast.  The older women are referring to the delights of mothering young children.  All I have to say is that amnesia or dementia could be the only explination for saying something like this.  Clearly in their time away from certain "delights" they have forgotten that this job, well, it sucks.

First, it does not go by fast as the old women say.  Unless you are talking about your sleep time.  Otherwise the rest of the day with kids taxes your patience, sanity and time.  All the "Mom, mom, mom" on top of crying I think will drive me insane.  Then my mom says something ridiculous like its a developmental stage.  What the hell is Flip developing into - a monster?!?! (No, a man).

I think of a break up when old women say this to me.  After some time your memories of the bad, tough and trying times are clouded and all you remember are the sweet cuddles and kind words.  So you go back to the guy and after a few weeks you remember why you broke up in the first place. 

Therefore I think I must do what no mom has dared do before...the next time a older women says this to me, I will give her the diaper bag, car seats and kids and run.  Let her spend a day lugging kids around town to do errands, or cleaning up after the non-stop mess, calming the relentless cryer, disciplining the wild child, cooking, laundry, biting, hitting, whining, pooping, and collapsing when the day is done only to be awaked in a few hours to do it again...see how she remembers motherhood then.

There is a reason grandparents love their grandchildren so much...they get to give them back!