Stickers

Stickers are really great when they can make your almost 4 year old behave. Its amazing really. They are also cute in scrapbooks and the perfect way to entertain your child in the checkout line at Kroger or the doctors office. However, they are a really STUPID way to advertise how many kids, dogs and cats you have.

I see them on almost every minivan I am stuck behind (and its seems to only be a hit with those who drive minivans) - the family stick figure portrait. I just want to scream "Thank you for telling me that you have had sex 3 times successfully and have a dog too! That's fantastic, really."

What a waste of money and time! They would have to go to the store, pick out the mom and dad - mom is a little on the heavy side from having all those kids so they had to search for the anatomically correct stick figure (i.e. make sure it has a belly and a bow - for heavens sake make sure it has a bow to distinguish it from Dad). And the mom needs to be taller, but the dad is the tallest and get the one with the dress for Mary and Josh needs a sideways baseball hat and baby Drew has the little squiggle of hair minus the bow...you get the point. So picture a lady at the store agonizing over which stick figure best represents her and her family...Puhlease!

And then the worst part is not that the lady actually buys all 6 stickers, but that she cleans her car window and puts her family on display for all to see and enjoy. But the thing is, no one (except other moms who have stick figure portraits) seems to think this is a wise use of money or car window space. That window is prime real estate that should ONLY be dedicated to school pride.

So if you are proud of your family, do something normal to show them off. Hire a photographer to take a nice REAL family portrait and put it on the wall in your house. Not only is this normal, its tasteful - something that seems to be beyond a select few minivan drivers.