As a mom of two adorable kids, I really understand the need to be away from them for long periods of time. A few hours with friends has amazing restorative properties because usually those few hours include the consumption of my two favorite things - wine and chocolate.
No parenting magazine has the article about how parents need to forget their parents for an evening (the only way turn your mind off from parenting mode is to drink - that's why God made wine...Jesus' first miracle actually). That's something you discover on your own when you are crying in the bathroom because its the only place you can escape.
So skip the tears in the bathroom and call a friend. Or join a little group just for moms. That's what I did!
But it sucks. I traded my whining babies in for a bunch of bitching moms just like me. SHIT. I need everyone to listen to ME! Not vie for the groups' attention with their latest sob story. I clearly picked the wrong group. Every mom out there is going nuts no matter how crisply her oxford is ironed. We all go a little mad. Who wouldn't after saying "No dear, please stop" 478 times in one morning (except mine is like this "ARGH! FLIP, FRICKIN STOP!!!!!!!!!!"
I was tricked! Lured to the group by moms with cardigans and make up on. Don't fall for it. Its only a mask of the insanity that resides within. And if you cannot be with a group of moms and say how much you hate your current situation without scowls or ridicule then you should get up and leave. Find a friend who will drink with you, cry with you and just nod in the affirmative. Sometimes that's all you need...as long as the kids are not anywhere close by.
The need for a mom "time out" is imperative. Never forget that, but beware trading in that valuable baby-free time for a bunch of bitches...I mean bitching moms!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Movie night
Dexter and I had a movie night. It was nice, the kids were asleep, we had our cheap bottle of wine open and poured and we settled in for one of our favorites "Return to Me." Its a sweet movie with a great Rat Pack soundtrack. There was a side story that I did overlook. One of the main characters friends is a mother of 5. Her life was chaos! Every scene depicted her being overrun by kids - whining, fighting, scolding. It was not a pretty picture. I noticed a scowl upon my face and then I look over to Dexter who is absolutely beaming.
Throughout the movie there are these scenes that make me want to cry not because of the sweet love story but because I feel like that mom. Never a moment to myself. There has never been a complete cure for self centeredness other than motherhood - not parenthood. Fathers, like the one in the movie, are oblivious or impervious to the noise, chaos and trama that children bring into the lives of their mothers. The father in this movie laughed, drank, left the house for work (so he had many children free hours) and came home and wanted to jump into bed.
This family probably wouldnt stand out in the movie to non parents, but it certainly had an impact on both Dexter and me. While I cringed at the horror of long days, laundry, cleaning, broken record repitition of rules, cooking, etc. Dexter smiled. He looks confused when he glances at me. I told him now was not a good time to start the "lets have more kids" conversation. My life is insanity already, I cannot imagine adding another kid to the mix.
Throughout the movie there are these scenes that make me want to cry not because of the sweet love story but because I feel like that mom. Never a moment to myself. There has never been a complete cure for self centeredness other than motherhood - not parenthood. Fathers, like the one in the movie, are oblivious or impervious to the noise, chaos and trama that children bring into the lives of their mothers. The father in this movie laughed, drank, left the house for work (so he had many children free hours) and came home and wanted to jump into bed.
This family probably wouldnt stand out in the movie to non parents, but it certainly had an impact on both Dexter and me. While I cringed at the horror of long days, laundry, cleaning, broken record repitition of rules, cooking, etc. Dexter smiled. He looks confused when he glances at me. I told him now was not a good time to start the "lets have more kids" conversation. My life is insanity already, I cannot imagine adding another kid to the mix.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Holiday = Holidull
Why do I do this? Why do I always agree to do these group family fun gatherings? Its a holiday weekend and one would imagine that having an extra day at home with the hubby would be delightful you know an extra hand to fold laundry or someone to play with the kids so you could have a quiet moment to think...well, its not. Its more mess, more noise and strangely more work. Allow me to elaborate:
More mess because I have to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner instead of one meal. Also my kids are usually strapped into a plastic chair that can be hosed off, but Dexter has free reign of the house, so the mess just follows him. Its like that kid from the Charlie Brown cartoon that is surrounded by a constant cloud of dust.
More noise because the TV is on, loud music is playing, the dogs are all worked up and barking, its "Vicki, have you seen this?" "Vicki, where is the remote?!?!" And other time sensitive questions about missing shoes and cell phones. I am not everyones' keeper!
More work because Dexter wants to nap, play a game or watch a show or just about anything as long as he doesn't have to actually look after the kids. So the kids are still with me, but they whine so much more because they know their daddy is just in the other room! Its tough. I think I prefer the weekdays. Yup, I sure do.
But that's just the normal weekend. A three day weekend is all that plus FFF.
Dexter says: Lets go to the in-laws - FANTASTIC -and have a barbecue - JOY, I GET TO COOK - with all the neighbors - I GET TO COOK FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE - its at five pm - OH, YOU MEAN THE KIDS NAP TIME - and I will play basketball or table tennis all night - FANTASTIC, I GET TO COOK FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE AND ENTERTAIN CRANKY KIDS WHILE YOU PRETEND PLAY WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD BUDDIES, ALL IN A NON-BABY PROOFED HOUSE THAT HAS A POORLY FUNCTIONING A/C UNIT.
I really had a nice holiday weekend. I hope you did too.
More mess because I have to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner instead of one meal. Also my kids are usually strapped into a plastic chair that can be hosed off, but Dexter has free reign of the house, so the mess just follows him. Its like that kid from the Charlie Brown cartoon that is surrounded by a constant cloud of dust.
More noise because the TV is on, loud music is playing, the dogs are all worked up and barking, its "Vicki, have you seen this?" "Vicki, where is the remote?!?!" And other time sensitive questions about missing shoes and cell phones. I am not everyones' keeper!
More work because Dexter wants to nap, play a game or watch a show or just about anything as long as he doesn't have to actually look after the kids. So the kids are still with me, but they whine so much more because they know their daddy is just in the other room! Its tough. I think I prefer the weekdays. Yup, I sure do.
But that's just the normal weekend. A three day weekend is all that plus FFF.
Dexter says: Lets go to the in-laws - FANTASTIC -
I really had a nice holiday weekend. I hope you did too.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mothers Day
This year for Mothers Day Im going to ask for something that I really want - something that every mother really wants.
No, its not a fancy dinner, more fruity smelling lotion, a flower in a hand painted pot, and its certainly not an entire afternoon with my mother in law. Its not a card, but if its something sparkly set in gold I will say yes.
This Mothers Day I want Dexter to take the kids (after cleaning the kitchen) and not come back till dinner (which he will make and clean up after). There I said it. I want to celebrate motherhood by not mothering.
You know you desperately want that too, you just dont have the guts to ask.
No, its not a fancy dinner, more fruity smelling lotion, a flower in a hand painted pot, and its certainly not an entire afternoon with my mother in law. Its not a card, but if its something sparkly set in gold I will say yes.
This Mothers Day I want Dexter to take the kids (after cleaning the kitchen) and not come back till dinner (which he will make and clean up after). There I said it. I want to celebrate motherhood by not mothering.
You know you desperately want that too, you just dont have the guts to ask.
It goes by fast
Have you ever heard a middle aged or older woman say this? If not, it goes something like this: Cherish these moments because they go by fast. The older women are referring to the delights of mothering young children. All I have to say is that amnesia or dementia could be the only explination for saying something like this. Clearly in their time away from certain "delights" they have forgotten that this job, well, it sucks.
First, it does not go by fast as the old women say. Unless you are talking about your sleep time. Otherwise the rest of the day with kids taxes your patience, sanity and time. All the "Mom, mom, mom" on top of crying I think will drive me insane. Then my mom says something ridiculous like its a developmental stage. What the hell is Flip developing into - a monster?!?! (No, a man).
I think of a break up when old women say this to me. After some time your memories of the bad, tough and trying times are clouded and all you remember are the sweet cuddles and kind words. So you go back to the guy and after a few weeks you remember why you broke up in the first place.
Therefore I think I must do what no mom has dared do before...the next time a older women says this to me, I will give her the diaper bag, car seats and kids and run. Let her spend a day lugging kids around town to do errands, or cleaning up after the non-stop mess, calming the relentless cryer, disciplining the wild child, cooking, laundry, biting, hitting, whining, pooping, and collapsing when the day is done only to be awaked in a few hours to do it again...see how she remembers motherhood then.
There is a reason grandparents love their grandchildren so much...they get to give them back!
First, it does not go by fast as the old women say. Unless you are talking about your sleep time. Otherwise the rest of the day with kids taxes your patience, sanity and time. All the "Mom, mom, mom" on top of crying I think will drive me insane. Then my mom says something ridiculous like its a developmental stage. What the hell is Flip developing into - a monster?!?! (No, a man).
I think of a break up when old women say this to me. After some time your memories of the bad, tough and trying times are clouded and all you remember are the sweet cuddles and kind words. So you go back to the guy and after a few weeks you remember why you broke up in the first place.
Therefore I think I must do what no mom has dared do before...the next time a older women says this to me, I will give her the diaper bag, car seats and kids and run. Let her spend a day lugging kids around town to do errands, or cleaning up after the non-stop mess, calming the relentless cryer, disciplining the wild child, cooking, laundry, biting, hitting, whining, pooping, and collapsing when the day is done only to be awaked in a few hours to do it again...see how she remembers motherhood then.
There is a reason grandparents love their grandchildren so much...they get to give them back!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Lets say SHIT
I was playing cars with Flip the other day and he brought out his tractor trailer that has a spring action design that makes it break up when crashed head on. This is a very fun toy for boys. You just snap it back in place and crash it over and over...and OVER again.
We are setting the scene for the crash, the police car is there, the ambulance is close by and Flip says that he is ready and "When the tractor trailer crashes lets say shit." WHAT?!?!?! I stifle my laughter and explain that even though Momma sometimes says that word, its really not nice. "OK, then lets say dadgummit." Oh, no thats not nice either..."Flip sometimes Daddy says that but its not very good word to say."
Oh dear, I must really try harder not to say bad words around Flip.
"OK, Flip lets say Golly Gee Willikers," I suggest. "OK," Flip agrees...CRASH.
CRASH. CRASH. CRASH.
We are setting the scene for the crash, the police car is there, the ambulance is close by and Flip says that he is ready and "When the tractor trailer crashes lets say shit." WHAT?!?!?! I stifle my laughter and explain that even though Momma sometimes says that word, its really not nice. "OK, then lets say dadgummit." Oh, no thats not nice either..."Flip sometimes Daddy says that but its not very good word to say."
Oh dear, I must really try harder not to say bad words around Flip.
"OK, Flip lets say Golly Gee Willikers," I suggest. "OK," Flip agrees...CRASH.
CRASH. CRASH. CRASH.
High Carb Diet
Saturday is a busy day at my house. Laundry, dogs, cleaning, dishes, kids running around, cooking breakfast lunch and dinner for my hungry boys. Basically its insanity, but pleasant insanity because Dexter is home and able to spend time with Flip.
Yesterday I was feeling sorry for a friend who has two crazy boys so and a husband out of town, so I offered to watch them while she ran an errand and took a nap. The ciaos began at one when Flips little friend came over. They destroyed his room, harassed the dogs, dug holes in the back yard and were really loud the entire time. Its funny how Dexter all the sudden had to go get food at the grocery store, then after lunch go check out a sale at HH Greg. Planned, I think not?
So I spend the day trying to do my normal Saturday routine along with watching the extra kid. Naturally I am exhausted by the time Dexter returns. By the time dinner is over I collapse in bed, but before I close my eyes I remember that boys of all ages must be reminded to do things that are logical and second nature to me. So I yell for Dexter to put the food away. "OK, I will," he says. And I drift easily into sleep knowing that things are taking care of...
...Its 1 am and I wake to strange sounds. I'm trying to make sense of them and once I become awake and aware enough I realize its THE DOGS. I stumble into the living room to see they have been feasting on the left over french bread loaf, hamburger buns and pasta left on plates that were never taken to the sink! Well FRICK. There is nothing more irritating than being woken from my peaceful slumber. And clearly telling Dexter to put the food away is not enough, I must specify exactly what must be cleaned up..."Clear the table, scrape the dishes in the trash can - not the sink - and then put the bread in the pantry," is what I should have said. Its kind of like telling Flip to clean his room..."Put the cars in the car box, the dinosaurs in the drawer, and your dirty clothes in the hamper." Although there is a 26 year age difference the message needs the same delivery.
Just before I go wake Dexter up to clean up the mess I see that he did cover my chocolate cake that I made yesterday. My anger subsides, my blood pressure lowers and I smile. Dexter knows me very well, he saved my chocolate source. So he can sleep (at least till the dogs start whining because they have the runs).
Leave me a mess and I get mad, but save my chocolate and you get to sleep in!
Yesterday I was feeling sorry for a friend who has two crazy boys so and a husband out of town, so I offered to watch them while she ran an errand and took a nap. The ciaos began at one when Flips little friend came over. They destroyed his room, harassed the dogs, dug holes in the back yard and were really loud the entire time. Its funny how Dexter all the sudden had to go get food at the grocery store, then after lunch go check out a sale at HH Greg. Planned, I think not?
So I spend the day trying to do my normal Saturday routine along with watching the extra kid. Naturally I am exhausted by the time Dexter returns. By the time dinner is over I collapse in bed, but before I close my eyes I remember that boys of all ages must be reminded to do things that are logical and second nature to me. So I yell for Dexter to put the food away. "OK, I will," he says. And I drift easily into sleep knowing that things are taking care of...
...Its 1 am and I wake to strange sounds. I'm trying to make sense of them and once I become awake and aware enough I realize its THE DOGS. I stumble into the living room to see they have been feasting on the left over french bread loaf, hamburger buns and pasta left on plates that were never taken to the sink! Well FRICK. There is nothing more irritating than being woken from my peaceful slumber. And clearly telling Dexter to put the food away is not enough, I must specify exactly what must be cleaned up..."Clear the table, scrape the dishes in the trash can - not the sink - and then put the bread in the pantry," is what I should have said. Its kind of like telling Flip to clean his room..."Put the cars in the car box, the dinosaurs in the drawer, and your dirty clothes in the hamper." Although there is a 26 year age difference the message needs the same delivery.
Just before I go wake Dexter up to clean up the mess I see that he did cover my chocolate cake that I made yesterday. My anger subsides, my blood pressure lowers and I smile. Dexter knows me very well, he saved my chocolate source. So he can sleep (at least till the dogs start whining because they have the runs).
Leave me a mess and I get mad, but save my chocolate and you get to sleep in!
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